I think I died a long time ago.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
