I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize