and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
