u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You made out with two different species that night
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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