just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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