dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
