Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
