oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
