He kissed a someone with a penis
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
