STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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