so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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