There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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