I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
