It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
