just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
