No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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