Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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