I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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