How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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