I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
