I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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