I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize