I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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