apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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