Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
