you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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