She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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