haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
