At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My feet surprised me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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