I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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