White coat. Heels.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
