some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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