She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
