you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
