i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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