I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
