What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
