hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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