Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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