how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
