your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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