I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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