shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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