I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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