I have demons in me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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