doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
