found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
