No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
