You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
