Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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