i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
