I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
