Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
