i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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