physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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