i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
