Cold hands, warm shart.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
