She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize