At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
