Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize