It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think my tv is drunk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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