I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
