so explain again why im purple
no
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
