All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
