: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
