I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
wat bout pragnant strippers??
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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