She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
