Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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