Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
