be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize