his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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