I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize