I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
