I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
