Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
