I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
