Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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