i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize