She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
