I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it because I queefed?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
