I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
