Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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