What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
