What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
