I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
