I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
