Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
