Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
