I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
