Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
