chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
