What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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